You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
