we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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