i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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