well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
