Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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