marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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