my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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