Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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