Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
