She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
