guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
