the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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