I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
