I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
