If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
