are you still at the devil's house?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
