im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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