i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
