It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
