If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
