Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
