I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
