I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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