you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
