So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
