Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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