There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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