Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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