Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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