we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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