making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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