worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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