i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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