I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
