I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
