It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
