ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
