remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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