and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
