I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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