I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
