Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
