so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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