I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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