hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
