Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you will always have a special place in my vag
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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