You really coming over, don't trick.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
