omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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