I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
