she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
