You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
And then he peed in my hair
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
