If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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