I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
