The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
