Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
