my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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