you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
