you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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