Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
