Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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