When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are my feet made of real feet?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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