I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
