I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
