You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
