I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
