you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she peed on how many people?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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