I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
