Midget sex pt 2 tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
