I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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