she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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