Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
