So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
