people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
