I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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