she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
