even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
