I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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