I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didn't notice because vodka
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But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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