um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
