I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
