If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
