I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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