Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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