yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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