Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
