Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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