Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
