So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
