So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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