upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
